commentary by Patrick H. Moore
There comes a time when a no longer young man moving into his 40s realizes that his mother truly is the enemy, and that the only reasonable thing to do for all concerned is to kill her expeditiously. This does not mean torture her, or bash her in the head with a claw hammer, or rape her violently before delivering the death blow. Not ever mother killer shares Big Ed Kemper’s deviant tendencies and techniques; the more typical mother killer (assuming such a creature exists) may merely want to delete Mom from the human race simply and cleanly in much the same manner in which the great Hemingway wrote his sterling prose.
Which brings us to the ultimate question – how best to whack Mom without engaging in a grotesque parody of a proper killing?
A disgruntled 42-year-old resident of Mary Esther in Okaloosa County, Florida, with the rather innocuous name of Michael Watson, appears to have come up with the perfect solution to this pressing question early Sunday morning. Not only that but he arguably had a valid reason for whacking Mom.
A Florida man told police he shot his mother with a gun and a bow-and-arrow and then stabbed her Sunday because he claimed she “stole his diamonds and also gave his father cancer,” authorities said.
(These are both solid reasons for sending Mom to the Happy Hunting Ground. No diamond thief should ever get away scot-free and as for giving a loved one cancer – that is simply unacceptable.)
A deputy responded to a call (received at 2:48 am) from next-door neighbors of Watkins who said someone was knocking over Christmas decorations in their front yard and yelling, the sheriff’s office said.
(Boy am I disillusioned! I was with M. Watkins every step of the way – in spirit if not in body, but I simply cannot look the other way when Christmas decorations are being desecrated. It’s anti-Christian, anti-American and, worst of all, anti-Santa Claus.)
When an Okaloosa County deputy arrived, the neighbors explained that an argument had been going on next door. The deputy thanked the neighbor and went next door, where he was met with what must certainly have been one of the stranger crime scenes he had been called upon to investigate. There sat 65-year-old Gloria Watkins slumped forward in a chair with arrows protruding from her head.
I repeat: “slumped forward in a chair with arrows protruding from her head”.
According to the arrest report, M. Watkins admitted his crime with little hesitation:
“You see that, that’s death,” he said, pointing at his mother.
(This upsets me – not M. Watkins choice of words but rather the fact he pointed. How many times were we all told as children: “Don’t point, it’s not polite.”)
In addition to claiming that his mother “stole his diamonds and also gave his father cancer”, M. Watkins also insisted that “he had to kill her because she was trying to kill him.” He did not elaborate on how precisely Mother planned on carrying out the slaying, but we can be fairly certain she would not have wielded a bow-and-arrow with consummate skill in the manner of M. Watkins.
According to the Sheriff’s Office, although the deputies asked politely, M. Watkins ignored repeated commands to get down on the ground. He finally did comply, but then apparently thought better of it, jumped back up and extracted a large knife from a sheath on his belt. Although he eventually relinquished the knife, Watkins was not enchanted with the deputies’ handcuffs, which led them to reluctantly resort to a little “taser action” which apparently took the wind out of his billowy sales.
Watkins has been charged with pre-meditated first degree murder and resisting arrest without resorting to violence. An autopsy will be conducted on the victim Gloria to determine the exact cause of death.
* * * * *
Although I obviously cannot, in truth, condone the fact M. Watkins killed his mother, and it does appear that he is suffering from major mental illness based on his obvious delusions concerning his mothers and her intentions, I still must congratulate him for choosing the bow-and-arrow approach to mother killing. This demonstrates a pleasing respect for our Native American forebears as well as, perhaps, at least a trace of environmental consciousness. I realize that M. Watkins also shot poor Gloria, and may have also knifed her, which is certainly not to his credit, but I’m fairly certain (or at least I like to believe) that he gained a kind of aesthetic pleasure by choosing the bow-and-arrow as his primary weapon of destruction.