adapted by Patrick H. Moore
Sooner or later we all face that moment of truth — the Grim Reaper comes knocking and there’s no way to talk him out of it. Some of us will handle it bravely; others may flinch and quail. I suspect that in our private moments many of us wonder whether we’ll be up to the task when that day of reckoning comes. Here, therefore, as a sort of twisted inspiration, are some truly badass final statements by some strong — and in some cases evil — condemned men. The list was compiled by Ian Cheesman of Cracked, who also gets credit for much of the humor and for calling the statements “badass”, which they truly are. The quotes are in the public domain.
Carl Panzram, Serial Killer, about to be hanged:
“Hurry up, you Hoosier bastard, I could kill ten men while you’re fooling around!”
Panzram also stated on another occasion:
“I have no desire whatever to reform myself. My only desire is to reform people who try to reform me. And I believe that the only way to reform people is to kill ‘em.”
Chief Sitting Bull’s final words when he was about to be shot by 43 members of the Bureau of Indian Affairs:
”I am not going. Do with me what you like. I am not going. Come on! Come on! Take action! Let’s go!”
The Chief also stated on another occasion:
“I wish it to be remembered that I was the last man of my tribe to surrender my rifle.”
George Engel, union activist and founder of the Socialistic Labor Party of North America as he awaited hanging:
“Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.”
Engel was convicted of Conspiracy in the famous Haymarket Square labor riots in Chicago in 1893 which resulted in the death of seven policemen and four civilians.
Giles Corey, colonial farmer and accused Massachusetts Bay Colony witch, while being crushed with stones, in a futile attempt to make him confess his crime:
“More weight. Add more stones.”
Corey never did confess as the life was slowly squeezed out of him. I’m convinced he was innocent. You probably are too.
James French was a convicted murderer serving life in prison in Ohio. He decided a life sentence was just too long and decided to force the issue by killing his cell mate. His plan worked and he was given the electric chair. Unphased by it all, but glad to be going, French quipped as they strapped him in:
“Hey fella! How about this for a quote for tomorrow’s paper? ‘French fries.’”
French is not known to have made any other notable statements.
While facing the Irish Free State firing squad, Irish nationalist Robert Erskine Childers insisted on shaking hands with every marksman and then encouraged them to:
“Take a step forward lads — it’ll be easier that way.”
Childers was also a poet and novelist and wrote three respected spy novels: Riddle of the Sands; The Great Impersonation; and The Czar’s Spy.
And then there was Tom “Black Jack” Ketchum, a thief, a murderer, and worst of all a “morning person.” He was wide awake for his early morning hanging and full of “piss and vinegar”.
“I’ll be in hell before you start breakfast! Let her rip!”
Ketchum’s executioners apparently didn’t appreciate being subjected to his racket so early in the day. They accidentally on purpose gave his line some additional slack which caused him to be decapitated when he dropped through the gallows.