Sooner or later everybody’s got to get naked whether you want to or not. Here, courtesy of Huff Weird News, we bring you a group of great-looking Americans who chose to get naked under unusual circumstances. Unsurprisingly, out of our 16 “naked as a jaybird” folks, seven of them got naked in Florida. So if you want to see some hot, naked bods, I suggest you get ye to Florida with all due haste.
Thomas Edwin March
This 51-year-old man had it all figured out. Although allegedly naked, Thomas Edwin March came equipped with the essentials to have a grand time on the beach. When arrested, he possessed a pair of 3D glasses, three 20-ounce cans of Ice House beer, a smashed cheeseburger, and a laptop (possibly to blast a little Bob Seger). The problem is Bunche Beach (Florida) where he was letting it all hang out isn’t a nude beach. I guess Thomas got his signals crossed.
Anthony Michael Hedger
Although Anthony Michael Hedger has broken the law and must, therefore, be dealt with sternly, his highway nudity may have resulted from poverty rather than a twisted desire to offend the populace. I say this because when he was found walking down a South Carolina highway in the raw, he was carrying his 13-month-old son who was also naked. Or maybe he was just looking for a handy nudist colony but had been unable to find one.
Aydrea Meaders
Osmer Hernandez
This is definitely my kind of guy. Not only is Osmer Hernandez, 33, of New Orleans, La., at least an “8″ on a “10″ scale in the good looks department, but he also has a great sense of humor. Osmer was arrested when he serenaded the police while naked and masturbating.
Marty R. Parrish
John David Kinder
This Floridian, John David Kinder, 25, is not bad looking but there is something about him that smacks of the convict. I suspect that before too long, John will be taking it all off in the Big House. In any event, he was recently arrested for allegedly dancing naked outside a Florida woman’s house. John was charged with disorderly conduct.
Matthew Ibarria
This is a weird one. Although Matthew Ibarria was from Florida, he allegedly attacked a relative there which led to him becoming a fugitive from justice. But as the old saying goes, you can run but you can’t hide. Matthew was apprehended by the long arm of the law after jumping naked from a car in neighboring Georgia. This dashboard video from a Kingsland Police Department vehicle allegedly shows him running away.
Tracy Mabb
Our second female, Floridian Tracy Mabb, look just a little bit cuckoo and appears to have forgotten to blow dry. Tracy is accused of exposing herself at an intersection in Pompano Beach, Fla. She didn’t take kindly to getting popped and allegedly told police she didn’t “give a f–k” about her actions.
Naked Chainsaw
Lindsay Medd Stevens of Knoxville, Tenn. appears to be a nature buff (no pun intended). He was arrested for indecent exposure after his neighbor saw him cutting a tree down — while completely sans apparel. Knox County sheriff’s deputyScott Ritch told WATE-TV that he saw Stevens standing completely nude in his yard cutting a tree, only to run inside his house when he saw the officer drive up.
Aaron Latham
“He just jumped in front of my truck, and he was naked and I thought it was a prank or something,” Bullock told the Star Press. “I was honking at him, and he started ramming his head into my front bumper over and over again.”
Mr. Bullock got out of his truck to help the disturbed man, but thought better of it and took off when Latham charged him.
“I just ran away, not thinking he was going to hop in my truck,” Bullock told the paper.
But the naked man did get in the truck and allegedly took off in the stolen vehicle, driving straight through the front door of a home at 50 mph.
Fortunately, nobody was injured during Latham’s nude spree.
Keith Fehr
They say a little black dress is the most versatile item in a girl’s wardrobe, but it should never be used like this. Keith Fehr, an Illinois man dressed in his most revealing formal attire, exposed himself to children in an East Moline park, according to a press release obtained by The Huffington Post.
“The whole school knows about it,” one of the boys at the park told Fox 18. “He’s a creeper.”
William Bliss
Johnson County cops were responding to a report of a naked man at about 3:30 a.m. when they found 41-year-old William Bliss, who was “excited” and allegedly smashed at the time, the Press-Citizen reported.
Bliss was allegedly stumbling around near his apartment, but made a break for it after he made the wild nuke claim, cops said. A chase ensued, and one officer was injured as Bliss was taken down.
Bliss was slapped with charges of interfering with and injuring an officer and public intoxication. Cops didn’t find a nuclear bomb.
Jacob Lee Bovia
Authorities in Maryland arrested the 28-year-old Annapolis man on Friday after receiving multiple complaints regarding an individual exposing himself to women on the Anne Arundel Community College campus.
It turns out, the suspect “simulated indecent exposure with a display of fake genitalia to women on several occasions at the college,” the police report said, according to WUSA.
Nonetheless, Bovia is charged with three counts of indecent exposure and two counts of disorderly conduct. I can understand the disorderly conduct charges but I don’t understand how Bovia can be guilty of indecent exposure if the genitalia were merely simulated.
Joshua Greene
Milton Hodges
Chad William Forber