by Patrick H. Moore
Look! This is the voice of experience speaking. I cared about the kid. I’m a State Trooper, right? I see what’s comin’ down. All too often these days a young man gets a little carried away. Or maybe he’s just going with the moment. Who knows? Only God and He’s not saying. Next thing you know the girl is crying rape. And it might very well be rape. But maybe it’s not. Either way, that’s it for the kid. He could get 5, 10, even 20 years for something he could easily have avoided.
As a trooper my job is to protect and defend. And I really wanted to protect this kid. Really, I thought my plan was pretty ingenious. I decide I’m going to teach him the joys of masturbation while he’s still good and young. And the truth is, with all the porn available these days just as close as your computer, a guy doesn’t need real live females. Simulation will do the trick.
So here’s what I did. I hook up some porn on two computers – nothing too raunchy, just the basic stuff, nice looking women, you know what I mean, and I put the computers back-to-back on a bureau and I put the kid (I’ll call him Junior) on one side of bureau and I stand on the other and we both jerk off together to the porn.
Naturally, because I’m not a deviant or anything like that I didn’t want Junior to see me – a grown man – doing his business. You know what I mean. It wouldn’t have been right.
So that’s really all there was to it. No more, no less. Until somehow it got reported. Hell, I think I might have turned myself in to my wife one day when we were arguing. Yes, that’s exactly what happened. I told her that approximately five years ago I taught this young kid how to jerk off to porn so that he would realize he didn’t need to go out of his way to hook up with girls while he was really still too young. It’s like the old saying: ‘Always be safe, son, always be safe.’
Sean O’Connell Sheriff’s Captain
So anyway, I’ll be goddamned if my wife didn’t turn me in. Boy, did that open up a can of worms. I couldn’t believe it. A Deputy named O’Connell and a whole gang of social workers come by the house one day and want to cross-examine me on exactly what happened. I’ve had lots of problems over the course of time with the social workers because my real problem is certainly not sex – my real problem is that I’m kind of a violent psycho at times which means my wife gets pissed and turns me in and then the whole circus kicks into high gear.
So anyway, when the whole gang of deadheads show up at my house, I’m not having any of it. I bolt and get in my cruiser and tear ass down the driveway and the Deputy and the social workers come after me and really, it’s just a gesture – I realize that I can run but that’s there’s no reason to because I didn’t do anything wrong. So I rev it up to 60 just for show and then cool it down and let them catch me. I know the law and was pretty damned sure that although plenty of tongues were going to wag, I hadn’t really done anything wrong by teaching Junior the facts of life in the way I did. Certainly nothing to trigger a felony. And I know my superiors. I know they know that my problem is violence and trying to control my temper. They know perfectly well that I’m no deviant. And I was careful not to make any statements until I had my lawyer there.
And I was right. After all was said and done and a thorough investigation had been carried out, here’s what Deputy O’Connell said after he’d talked to my ever-loving wife:
“Rick’s reasoning is the fact that he did not want (the boy) to feel pressured on feeling the need to have to have sex with someone, when he can fix those needs by masturbating to porn.”
County Prosecutor Tom Stierwalt
And our county prosecutor Tom Stierwalt didn’t want to indict me anyway. In fact he said that he wasn’t going to bother to take it up with the Grand Jury because I just “might have presented a defense that justified (my) alleged actions.”
Alleged, my ass! You think I’m gonna make up something as crazy as teaching the kid to masturbate to porn to protect him from obsessing on women while he’s still too young to know what it’s really all about?
And of course most of the counselors and the local rag disagree strongly with the prosecutor. So tough shit! As God is my witness, I did not do anything wrong unless looking at porn in the first place is wrong but that’s a completely different issue.
* * * * *
But now we’ve come to the rest of the story. This is not the first time I’ve been investigated. My big problem is like far too many American men, I’m prone to domestic violence. I’m not going to make a bunch of excuses as to why I’m this way – I’m not gonna blame it on my old man or anything wimpy like that.
This problem first came up 10 years ago long before I got married. My girlfriend at the time had a 5-year-old son. One night he wet the bed and I kind of lost it. I spanked him real hard on his bare butt and according to the police report, he ended up bruised and bleeding. Ouch! I’m ashamed of what I did and I’m not gonna lie.
Oh yeah, I did something else that time that I shouldn’t have. When my girlfriend got in my face for spanking her son too hard I just lost it and head-butted her. Yeah, I know it sounds stupid – it was stupid but I guess it’s something I picked up watching TV wrestling. Ouch! I’m sure that didn’t feel good.
I got lucky that time. They gave me a decent plea deal and I signed it in a hot second to a single misdemeanor count of child endangering. Whew!
What hurts the most, though, is when the social workers talk to my kids and they spill the beans. One of my children told them I’ve pushed and shoved him and even hauled off and punched him one time. It’s true and I’m not proud of it. The kid also said that one time I dragged their mother into another room by her arm and begin yelling at her.
Fortunately, I save my worst damage for the freakin’ walls. I think all of my kids probably told them about that – how when I freak out I start punching out the walls. Better the rywall than my kids, that’s what I always say.
Dean Henry
Thank God I’ve got a good attorney. Dean Henry is worth his weight in gold
The good news is I’m still an Ohio State Trooper in good standing just like my father was before me. I pull down some pretty good bucks and nobody’s taken my service revolver away from me.
The bad news is my wife’s filed something called a “domestic violence petition filed with parenting affidavit.” Translated into plain English that means she’s seeking full custody of our five kids and is requesting that I not be allowed to see them. At all. Ouch!
But Dean Henry came through again and I’m allowed to see my kids under strict supervision. Of course that cramps my style but nothing’s perfect. So in signing off, I just want to reiterate that no matter what anyone says, I am not a deviant. Violent at times, yes, deviant no!
This post is based on an article that appeared in the Sandusky Register. I have obviously taken poetic license in attempting to get into the Ohio State Trooper’s head.