By Jessica Barton, Pro Domme
What is a fetish, why do people have them?
The dictionary explains the word fetish as “a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to an object, an item of clothing, a non- sexual body part, smell, activity etc.”
A fetish also known as a paraphilia is a sexual disorder where sexual arousal is accomplished by the fetishist through seeing or touching an object or item of clothing associated with sexual desire, or a non-sexual part of a desired individual. The individual becomes fixated on the object or clothing or body part whilst having sexual fantasies. The fetishist likes to have physical contact with the object and will often ask a sexual partner to be involved with the item that causes arousal.
What causes a fetish?
There are a variety of theories about what causes fetishes, but no agreement or “evidence” that points to a single explanation. Some people feel that they have cultivated a fetish while others identify a specific moment or time period in their past, often during childhood, when a fetish was created. .
As a Pro Domme (Dominatrix) of 20 years, I have been dealing with the world of fetishes and whilst not an expert am somewhat qualified through experience to give a considered opinion on this topic. It should be noted that most people with fetishes have a normal (vanilla) sex life; the fetish is a desire that only needs gratification from time to time. Some cultivate their fetish and indulge more frequently, this is by choice. What is becoming apparent is that with the growth of the internet and the easy access to fetish sites and the like, some young men and women are copying and/or discovering fetishes rather than these being developed in childhood.
The fact remains that most people who have a fetish will never understand why they have them. This is largely due to the fact that most fetishes originate in childhood, some even before school age. Sexual function exists from birth; whilst innocent, the sexual organs stimulate without a baby or child being aware of it. Thus, there is a school of thought that neuro pathways are created from very early on without a small child understanding or being a willing party to a developing fetish. I have found upon speaking to fetish clients, however, that many do recall when their fetish began, for example:
I have a client who once a month dresses from head to toe in rubber. He likes to be locked in a cupboard and reprimanded for his bad behaviour. This client is 43 years of age. I must open the door dressed in stockings and high heels and tell him he is not coming out until he learns to behave. My job is to walk around outside the cupboard so that he can hear my high heels on the wood floor, whilst berating him — this goes on for an hour.
Where did this behaviour start?
As a small boy (approximately 5 or 6), he was sometimes looked after by his auntie, a very pretty lady whom he admired. When he misbehaved, she would lock him in an old coal bunker and inside the coal bunker were a couple of rubber tyres. When his auntie opened the coal bunker he could see her stocking tops, which he thought were pretty, and her high heels. This was an entirely innocent process and at that time was certainly not attached to any abuse or sexual misconduct. The seeds however, for his fetish, were sewn. The neuro pathway was already being conditioned to associate rubber, feel and smell, being locked in a cupboard, and a pretty lady. Even though this punishment ended by the time he was about 9, he continued to think about it and in time as he 
became more sexually mature he found it arousing; the stockings were no longer just pretty but now took on a sexual meaning, he began sexualising what was once an innocent situation. The smell of rubber and being locked in a cupboard complete the ingredients for his fantasy/fetish – this is a prime example of how a fetish is developed. His desire to revisit aunty, the rubber, the stockings and high heels are what drives him to my dungeon, for here he can relive that experience albeit with a surrogate aunty, me. This is a simple example of how fetishes are developed but I have found most carry very similar origins. Few people can give up a fetish and even fewer want to. Human sexual behaviour can be very complex but can also be very simple. Some fetishes can be seeded in just one act or experience; it does not have to be repeated for the neuro pathway to be triggered.
It appears that males tend to have more fetishes than females, and in females the introduction of the fetish appears to happen later as sexual maturity is reached rather than in childhood. Maybe this is due to the ability of a male to sexualise many things and situations where a female, at least in theory, has less of an inclination to do so. This is not cast in stone and some females do have fetishes from childhood, the most common of which I have encountered is the desire to be spanked, albeit, in an erotic manner, even though the origins and nature of the woman’s first experiencing a spanking would not have been erotic or sexual but just punishing and painful. Again, the seed of a fetish can be sewn here depending of course on the perception of the female and her ability to, upon reflection, find it a giggly kind of stimulation rather than something painful. As in the male, as the female reaches sexual maturity she may sexualise spanking and desire it. Spanking was common practice in past generations although not so common today, unfortunately :-). The spanking community is now definitely on the increase with more people engaging in spanking sessions and parties. Where it was once a very conservative pastime, more people from different walks of life are now participating as a direct result of internet exposure.
Most fetishes are harmless activities (I will address those that are not in another article) that bring about some satisfaction to the fetishist; in my experience most people with fetishes find their fetish funny and amusing when they are not engaging in it. Most people I have encountered with fetishes (and they number in the thousands) are very intelligent, articulate, “normal” people who have normal jobs, a normal family life, and are generally open and honest, although maybe not about visiting Mistress 
The fetish community is vast and becoming more widespread due to the internet and the new openness in today’s society. Everyone probably has a little something that is out of the ordinary that they find at least somewhat stimulating; this is because we are human and each of us is different in some way. The next time you admire a lovely pair of high heels on a woman or notice she has a lovely pair of leather gloves on, you may just have indulged your deeply buried fetish
I will write a few articles on fetish and bdsm activities with the objective of helping people understand their true nature and what lies behind many of the activities these people engage in. I hope you enjoy my take on the “dark side” x. Dr Pamela Stephenson commented in an article on sexual behaviour that the BDSM/FETISH community has the most sane and balanced people she has come across with a sane and healthy sexual attitude. Quite a compliment and one I am not going to disagree with.
For now,
Miss Jessica Barton x