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A Trio of Celebrities Who Would Be Seriously Punished for Their Crimes Today…

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adapted by Patrick H. Moore

The world has changed greatly since the 1960′s and — generally speaking — individuals are held to a much higher standard of conduct with respect to sexual “indiscretions” and other form of blatant or serious criminal misconduct. In this post, the idea of which comes to us courtesy of Lachlan M. and Javier Yepes at Cracked.com, we will discuss three celebrities who “got away with murder”, figuratively speaking, in previous decades but would probably get far more than “a slap on the wrist” if they were apprehended for these crimes in today’s world.

We will start with legendary rock guitarist Jimmy Page before moving on to Vince Neil of Motley Crew and —surprise surprise — Sean Penn.

 

Jimmy Page Kidnapped a 14-Year-Old Girl and Kept Her Prisoner for Several Years

jimIn addition to his fantastic career with Led Zeppelin, Jimmy Page turned in a monumental body of excellent studio work in the mid and late ’60s. He played on Tom Jones’s pop smash “It’s Not Unusual”, The Kink’s monster hit “You Really Got Me” and Van Morrison instant ’60′s classic “Gloria”, before going on to stardom with Led Zeppelin.

According to Lachlan M. and Yepes, in 1972, Page was hanging around a nightclub and laid eyes on 14-year-old Lori Maddox. Page sent roadie Richard Cole to Maddox’s table with the message, “Jimmy told me that he’s going to have you whether you like it or not.” The roadie then grabbed her and chucked her in the back of a limo.

From there, it was on to Page’s house, where the “affair” was quickly consummated. Page may have been sleazy but he was not unintelligent and he knew that if the word got out, hejim3could be in serious trouble. So for the next few years, although Maddox reportedly traveled with the band at times, she was kept out of the public eye as much as possible so that the relationship wasn’t brought to the attention of the authorities. Even in the wild ’70′s, you could still go to jail for something like this.

Page got away with it and never went to jail or got arrested. Lori Maddox may still be infatuated with him and calls him “romantic.” Perhaps this is a case of the Stockholm syndrome. Here are Maddox’s own words from Hammer of the Gods: The Led Zeppelin Saga:

“It was magnificent. Can you believe it? It was just like right out of a story! Kidnapped, man, at 14!”

 

Motley Crue’s Lead Singer Vince Neil Killed Someone While Drunk Driving and Only Got 30 Days in Jail and a Large Fine

Motley Crue has sold 90 million albums over their 30-year career. Known and loved for their hard rocking and hard-partying ways, the Crue consumed enough cocaine to put dozens of cocaine dealers’ children through college

jim4Their shenanigans were so over-the-top crazy that it made them caricatures but no one seemed to care. After all, it was the hedonistic ’80s. But not everything they did was lovable. Certainly not the time they killed  a man.

On December 8, 1984, lead singer Vince Neil was enjoying day 3 of a three day party at his Vegas pad. The booze was running low so he jumped in a car with his rocker friend Razzle and drove to a liquor store. Out of control crazy, he soon lost control of the car and collided head-on with a Volkswagen coming the other way. Razzle died instantly, and the two people in the other car were hospitalized. One reportedly suffered brain damage and was comatose for a month.

Neil was convicted of DUI and vehicular manslaughter, which could have resulted in up to 10 years in prison. Being a superstar, Neil hired a “weasel lawyer” and paid him a lot of money. The lawyer talked the sentence down to 30 days in jail, five years’ probation, and $2.5 million in fines. Neil only served 20 of those 30 days because Motley Crue had a tour scheduled.

To his credit, Neil certainly realized how fortunate he was, stating:

“I wrote a $2.5 million check for vehicular manslaughter when Razzle died. I should have gone to prison. I definitely deserved to go to prison. But I did 30 days in jail and got laid and drank beer, because that’s the power of cash. That’s f_____ up.”

It is noted that Neil’s contrition has not stopped him from driving under the influence on one of more occasions since then.

 

Sean Penn Tied Up and Physically Abused Madonna

Sean Penn is one of our most well-respected actors. Who can forget his roles in “Milk”, “Mystic River” and “Dead Man Walking.” He is also a noted progressive who vehemently opposed our involvement in the war with Iraq.

Madonna and Sean Penn, 1986Therefore, it’s easy to think of him as not only a fine actor but someone who cares about humanity.

In Penn’s earlier years, however, he was known for his violent and aggressive outbursts. The incident that could have resulted in severe repercussions including substantial prison time was the time he assaulted and battered Madonna in 1988.

Their marriage was a stormy affair and Penn’s heavy drinking certainly didn’t help. Finally, in 1988, after he flew into a rage over Madonna’s supposed affair with Warren Beatty, she called the marriage off. Penn responded by turning into an abusive nutcase. Although accounts of the beating vary with respect to details, here is the story according to Lachlan M. and Javier Yepes:

jim7After he got good and drunk (again), Penn climbed into Madonna’s house, where she was alone. He then grabbed her, tied her to a chair, and assaulted her for hours, both physically and emotionally. He then went out for more booze, came back, and kept up the beating. Madonna only escaped after telling Penn that she had to go to the bathroom, which meant he had no problem battering, beating, bloodying, and bruising the supposed love of his life, but felt it would have been too degrading to make her pee in front of him.

While Penn was arrested, the charges were dropped because Madonna didn’t want to generate a media circus, which may have been the one and only time in her life that Madonna actually wanted the press to go away. A couple of decades of political activism and two Oscars later, and the world barely remembers an incident that would turn most people into a pariah.

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In today’s world, any of the above three incidents would result in some serious prison time. For kidnapping and carrying on a sexual relationship with Lori Maddox, Jimmy Page could easily get 20 years or more in prison. For his DUI vehicular manslaughter, Vince Neil would probably be looking at two to three years minimum. As for the violent Mr. Penn, he would be lucky to escape with a year’s county time, depending on whether the authorities wanted to make an example of him.


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