by BJW Nashe
Apparently there’s no stopping George Zimmerman. On July 13, he was found not guilty for fatally shooting 17 year-old Trayvon Martin in Sanford, Florida. Then, on the evening of Thursday, July 18, Zimmerman was back in the news, when he and another man came to the aid of a family of four trapped in an overturned SUV. Now, rumors are swirling around about an alleged sex video Zimmerman is set to release early next month.
From “neighborhood watch” to “murder trial defendant” to “highway rescue” to aspiring “porn star”? What a long strange trip George Zimmerman’s life is turning into. At least it appears that the Justice Department will not be letting him have his gun back anytime soon.
The trial verdict has been the subject of heated debate across the nation, with demonstrations held this past weekend at major cities from coast to coast. The highway rescue, which occurred at the intersection of I-4 and Route 417 in Sanford, has so far generated no controversy. The porn video, if it ever surfaces, will undoubtedly be viewed, reviewed, criticized, dissected, and even in some strange quarters, celebrated. Obviously, these are weird times in America, and the public needs to be ready for anything.
The official word on Zimmerman is that he has been in seclusion since the July 13 trial verdict. But the smart money people are saying that’s all just a ruse. They say Big George is riding high after being acquitted of second-degree murder. They say Big George wants to take advantage of all the publicity. They say the highway rescue was just a lark. Now Big George is ready to cash a big check.
Evidently Zimmerman is obsessed with the way certain celebrities have parlayed their videotaped sexploits into lasting fame and fortune. Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are the biggest names that come to mind. Zimmerman, however, supposedly has been most influenced by Farrah Abraham, whose recent video, Backdoor Teen Mom, was a huge internet sensation. People who claim to be in touch with George are saying that he’s been watching Farrah’s video over and over again, much like Jim Garrison used to watch the Zapruder film for hours on end. They say George loves Backdoor Teen Mom. He thinks it’s incredible. He’s studied every detail of it — every close-up, every improbable angle. The success of the video has utterly inspired him.
Other than fame and money, what else could be motivating Zimmerman in his pursuit of porn star glory?
“George is a very sensual man,” claims one anonymous source, who is apparently communicating to the outside world from a computer located at a drug and alcohol rehabilitation facility. “He’s very interested in letting the public see that side of his personality. So much negative stuff has been said about him. He’s ready to show everyone the more imaginative, erotic dimensions of George Zimmerman.”
What on earth will Zimmerman be doing in his video? Will he actually be performing sex acts? With other living human beings?
“Oh yes,” this particular source confirms, “George is very interested in exploring his sexuality, and he wants to share that with his audience of fans out there. I think people are going to be really surprised by his level of commitment. When it comes to sex, George has an ‘anything goes’ mentality. So you can expect to see some boy-girl scenes, and even quite a bit of boy-girl-boy action. Law enforcement will certainly be a major theme in his video. Part of the reason George wanted to be a cop is he love police uniforms. George is very masculine and he knows he looks good in uniform, or half out of uniform. And he’s definitely doing a couple of hot interracial scenes. George wants to show once and for all that he’s not a racist. He thinks black people are sexy. He even took one to the prom, once.”
Another reason Zimmerman may be doing this is to promote the importance of having healthy self-esteem, particularly as it pertains to body-image and weight issues.
“George knows he gained a lot of weight leading up to his trial. He wants people to know it’s OK to be plus-size, and that big people are sexy people.”
Will Zimmerman be doing any promotion in support of the sex video’s release?
“The first stop on the press junket will be the Hannity Show on Fox News. Sean Hannity has stood up for George from the very beginning. And George is fairly certain that Hannity will embrace his new life as a porn star. Besides, I think George knows that Hannity secretly digs porn.”
Many of us are praying that these rumors are simply false. They are too terrible to ponder at any length. A George Zimmerman sex tape? Cop uniforms? Talking porn with Hannity? Sweet Jesus Christ. I guess we should just be thankful that Wayne LaPierre didn’t think of this first.