by Patrick H. Moore
As they approached the Labor Day weekend, a South Carolina man and woman decided to get their serious work out of the way so that they could dedicate the weekend to pure relaxation. Therefore, Shaun Bowden, 31, and Emily Craig, 20, made the strategic decision to “get naked” right there in a display shed outside a Home Depot store in North Charleston, South Carolina. It’s not clear why Shaun and Emily made the decision to utilize that particular display shed for their “indoor gymnastics”.
According to reports, the two young lovers were really going at it when some humorless passerby reported them to the Home Depot brass who made the inhumane decision to report them to the police. Why this was necessary is beyond me. I mean, here we have two reasonably attractive young people, both of whom were clearly of the age of consent. They weren’t harming anyone, and according to eyewitness reports, were totally engrossed in each other. Therefore, they were not disturbing the Home Depot product line, which would, of course, have been sufficient cause to bring felony charges.
Perhaps the rationale for arresting the two “indoor athletes” was the fact that a certain number of children do frequent Home Depot — generally in the company of their parents — and one certainly doesn’t want one’s little darlings to be confronted by sight and sound(s) of two healthy young adults “getting naked” in a display shed. Although I really think that it would mostly just make the kids giggle, but who am I to judge South Carolina mores?
What I find really impressive is the fact that it was Hump Day, Wednesday Aug 28th at 8:40 am, when the police arrived and found Emily and Shaun, partially undressed in the shed. The police report states:
“Upon questioning, it became apparent they were engaged in sexual intercourse inside the shed.”
Does this mean the police asked them if they were doing the bloody deed or does it mean they witnessed them getting down? Based on the actual charges, I believe the latter may be the correct answer. Both Emily Craig and Shaun Bowden were reportedly charged with disorderly conduct and being a nuisance on the Home Depot property. Bowden was also charged with indecent exposure for allegedly having his “genitals within public view”. Craig, who was apparently embarrassed by this unexpected exposure, was charged with giving false information because, according to the police, she initially gave them a false name upon being asked to identify herself.
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I am no doubt as Puritanical as the next guy, but I really don’t see why Shaun and Emily needed to be written up for a batch of what I believe are simple misdemeanors. Deterrence does not really seem to be an issue here for the simple reason that very few happy, loving couples are likely to emulate Shaun and Emily’s example; i.e., getting naked in Home Depot display sheds is unlikely to become the newest crime de jour. And if it does, film crews could be assigned and display shed lovemaking could be packaged and sold as a product. After all, nothing should stand in the way of a healthy economy.