commentary by Patrick H. Moore
What I think about Australia I can’t help but conjure up images of Mel Gibson in Road Warrior, long before Mel insisted on being nailed to the cross and even longer before his appalling drunken fall(s) from grace while rampaging up and down the Coast Highway all liquored up and spouting racist vitriol. The young Mel as he appeared in Road Warrior was the essence of manly determination pitting himself against an army of baddies that included a hairy butt-cheek exposing outlaw biker/punk rocker. Mel was up for all of it and he came through in fine style.
Even though we are well into the new millennium, fortunately, the apocalyptic landscape remains – at least in large part – an image in our imaginations rather than a concrete reality. This is not to say there may not be a few Road Warrior types roaming the outback complete with retinue and regalia, waiting to crank up their machinery in preparation for the great battle to salvage humanity in the fight against the barbarians.
On the other hand, if 19-year-old Steven Frank Steele of Ipswich is any indication, it appears some of these barbarian types, complete with chainsaws and exposed butt cheeks may well be cavorting among the great expanse of suburbs that stretches west of Brisbane, Australia. Either that or Steele has a great sense of humor and doesn’t mind doing a little time in stir to prove it.
The Queensland Times reports that on Monday, Steele, a teenager, went on a drunken late-night chainsaw rampage inside a petrol station while wearing a flower pot on his head. Although this sounds hilarious, even sureal, do not think for a minute that the young barbarian Steele was not a terrifying sight. According to the Andrew Korner of the Queensland Times, Steele so terrified two shop attendants at the 7-Eleven service station on Ash Street, Flinders View, that they wisely retreated to a back room leaving the madman free to run amuck to the best of his ability.
To his credit, Steele, despite his undeniably maniacal behavior, managed to observe the robber’s time-honored obligation to disguise himself.
According to the police report, it will be alleged the teen – who was wearing a flower pot over his head to conceal his identity – entered the store about 4.30 am on Monday wielding a chain saw which understandably startled the two staff members who were industriously cleaning a coffee machine.
No doubt revving up his weapon of choice to near full throttle, the man reportedly lunged at the store attendants, which triggered their expeditious retreat to the back room.
Although it would – in a sense – make for an even better story if Steele had followed the shop attendants back into the storeroom ramping up the terror to a fever pitch, this is apparently not what happened. Eschewing human prey, our resolute forester turned his vengeance against several display racks and a window, while at some point demanding money from the attendants. (It’s unclear how they could hear him demanding cash over the roar of the chainsaw while sequestered in the back room but that’s allegedly what happened).
Steele saved his most heroic gesture for the end. On his way out, he paused long enough to pull his pants down exposing his barbarian buttocks to the near-hysterical attendants.
These antics required tremendous exertion and Steele worked up a powerful thirst which led him to judiciously grab a bottle of soda pop on his way out the door. He then remembered his obligation to destroy and damaged a parked vehicle upon fleeing the scene, possibly with the chain saw.
It was then revealed that this butt-cheek flapping barbarian was no Road Warrior. Far from it. Fool didn’t even have a ride. Steele took off walking down Ash St, probably with his chain saw in one hand and his soda pop in the other. But not for long. At some point he judiciously deposited the chainsaw, which turned out to be stolen, in a handy bush. Then he apparently resumed his walk. But not for long. A police officer en route to the service station noticed him walking down Ash Street, became suspicious and placed him under arrest.
Although they had their suspect, this didn’t stop the constabulary from firing up their K-9 team who followed the trail back to the service station, allegedly locating the stolen chainsaw in the bush not far from the scene.
The charges are as follows: 0ne count of armed robbery, two counts of wilful damage, one count of going armed to cause fear, one count of public nuisance and one count of possessing suspected stolen property.
For unknown reasons, no application was made for bail, and Steele will remain in custody until the next hearing on March 3.