by BJW Nashe
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s 2016 presidential aspirations might be clouded over by scandals and investigations, but at least he has a new theme song.
Theme songs are crucial for any big-time political campaign these days. Bill Clinton grooved his way into the White House with Fleetwood Mac’s 1970s hit, “Don’t Stop.” George W. Bush utilized a Tom Petty tune called “I Won’t Back Down.” John McCain stormed in and out of campaign stops to the chugging riffs of Heart’s “Barracuda,” which was supposedly the high school nickname of his charming running mate, Sarah Palin. Mitt Romney’s theme song was “Kill the Poor” by the Dead Kennedys. Wait, scratch that one. Actually Mitt chose “Born Free” by Kid Rock.
Choosing Chris Christie’s theme song is a no-brainer at this point. We can forget about “Born to Run” by Springsteen. Governor Christie has reached a new level of intensity and desperation. Soaring anthems about girls and cars won’t get the job done in his current situation. The only song that can possibly work for him now is Warren Zevon’s classic hit about life on the edge — “Lawyers, Guns, and Money.” Just listen to Zevon belt out his signature lines: “Send lawyers, guns, and money/The shit has hit the fan.” It’s perfect for the embattled New Jersey governor.
For Christie, the excrement is hitting the fan in the form of a messy political scandal that threatens to derail his entire political career and may even lead to criminal charges against him and/or some of his closest associates. The bulk of the problem stems from allegations that a massive four-day traffic jam on the George Washington Bridge in September 2013 was an act of political revenge taken by Christie’s people against Fort Lee Mayor Mark Sokolich, who refused to support Christie’s gubernatorial re-election bid. Christie has denied any wrongdoing in the bridge matter, claiming that he had no knowledge of the lane closures, which he says were ordered by his closest aides under the pretense of a bogus “traffic study.”
Christie is also embroiled in a possible case of corruption involving distribution of Hurricane Sandy relief funds. Hoboken Mayor Dawn Zimmer claims that New Jersey’s Lieutenant Governor Kim Guadagno told her if she hoped to receive disaster relief money she needed to “move forward” on one of the governor’s pet redevelopment plans, the Rockefeller project. The Christie administration denies any link between the Rockefeller project and hurricane relief.
The scandals are potentially disastrous for Christie, who as Chair of the Republican Governor’s Association is expected to travel coast-to-coast throughout the year raising millions of dollars for gubernatorial candidates. The investigations of Christie’s administration also cast doubt on his viability as a presidential candidate in 2016. Many of us think that no matter what the outcome of these investigations, Christie now has about as much chance of capturing the Republican nomination as Warren Zevon does. Zevon died in 2003, and he wasn’t even a Republican.
Instead of plotting his ascent to the peak of the national politics, Christie is faced with several months of grueling inquiries from a New Jersey legislative committee that is determined to get to the bottom of the bridge scandal. If they can prove that Christie was aware of the plan to close lanes at Fort Lee, or participated in a cover-up of such a plan, then his political career is over. Multiple subpoenas have been issued to as many as 20 people who worked for the governor. More subpoenas are on the way. They are being issued as fast as cops in Hoboken write traffic tickets. Five people close to Christie have already lost their jobs, including two Port Authority appointees, Bill Baroni and David Wildstein. Wildstein — who is seeking immunity from prosecution for his role in ordering bridge lane closures — wrote a letter stating that “evidence exists” proving Christie was aware of the lane closings while they were occurring. This contradicts the governor’s insistence that he was unaware of any wrongdoing. Christie’s team issued a ridiculous memo that tried to discredit Wildstein by claiming, among other things, that one of Wildstein’s high school teachers didn’t trust him.
When a governor’s best defense to save his own skin is to claim that the people he hired as his top staff are liars and scoundrels, and that he was unaware of what they were doing in his office, this does not bode well for the governor’s political future.
Federal prosecutors are conducting their own criminal investigation. The bridge scandal and the allegations concerning Sandy relief funds present the feds with a unique opportunity to take a long, hard look at the inner workings of Christie’s political machine. Who knows what they will find there. Most commentators agree that these investigations tend to take on a life of their own, once they gain momentum. And they rarely end up anywhere close to where they originally intended to go. In a state where hardball politics are de rigeur, and where the man in charge prides himself on old-school, in-your-face intimidation, the feds might have a field day digging up dirt and weighing possible charges.
So Zevon’s song about lawyers, guns, and money is highly relevant to Christie’s state of mind right now. And it’s not difficult to figure out his top concern. Lawyers and guns won’t be much of a problem. Firearms are quite prevalent in New Jersey. And there are no doubt plenty of attorneys who owe the boss some favors, dating back to when he was a federal prosecutor appointed by George W. Bush as a reward for his campaign efforts.
Money, however, might become problematic. Christie’s re-election team recently had to request permission from New Jersey campaign finance regulators to raise funds needed to comply with subpoenas from the ongoing investigations. Since Christie chose to accept matching public money for his re-election campaign last year, he was limited to spending $12.2 million. The campaign came close to this limit, so a special request was submitted in order to obtain approval for additional fundraising. In other words, they needed to beg for cash to pay for lawyers, data searches, and other costs associated with subpoenas. The Election Law 
Enforcement Commission voted on the unusual request this week, and agreed to the additional fundraising, provided that any money raised for legal purposes but not used for the investigations would be handed over to the state government.
Other financial issues will be weighing heavily on Governor Christie in the coming months. CBS news is reporting that Christie’s fundraising as Chair of the RGA has not been slowed down by the scandals he is embroiled in. The RGA raised over $6 million in January, and Christie recently traveled to Florida and Texas, where he raked in a cool $1.5 million.
However, many gubernatorial candidates are suddenly reluctant to show up at events alongside Christie. Certain Republican politicos such as Joe Scarborough are suggesting that Christie should step down as Chair of the RGA. And large Republican donors are getting nervous about Christie’s role as a national political figure. A recent AP story quotes a national Republican fundraiser from Florida on the apprehension surrounding Christie:
“There are influential donors who are giving him a second and third look. Where they would have been ‘this is the guy’ two months ago, I think a lot of people are giving him a second look and keeping their powder dry.”
The road to the White House was never going to be easy for Christie. He faces considerable opposition within his own party. The far-right, conservative Tea Party crowd loathes Christie, because they know he is primarily an opportunist, rather than an ideological purist. They figure Christie would do anything — even sodomize barnyard animals — if it guaranteed him enough money and votes to win the ultimate prize. They will never forget the sight of Christie smiling during his photo ops with President Obama in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. They still can’t believe the governor had the nerve to praise the “Muslim socialist” President during his post-storm press conferences. And they will never forgive Governor Christie for these grievous sins.
Christie’s support comes from the substantial corporate wing of the Republican Party — the Wall Street power brokers. To overcome Tea Party opposition in the primaries, Christie needs to be able to count on huge amounts of cash from his corporate donors. Yet the establishment Republican fat cats will back away from Christie as the Bridgegate investigation drags on, slowly turning the governor — saints preserve us — into damaged goods, a politically toxic commodity. Once this happens, Christie will never be able to recover and mount a successful run for the White House. He won’t even attempt to do so. There will be too much shame and humiliation.
Another hurricane would be welcome relief to Governor Christie now. He’s probably up late at night praying for a typhoon. A big disaster could give him an opportunity to demonstrate compassion and leadership, possibly deflecting attention away from the ugly stuff. As it stands, he’s stuck in the political equivalent of a raucous Warren Zevon song that threatens to keep on playing over and over again for months on end — like a corrupt, drunken version of Groundhog Day.
Governor Christie is trying to pin a happy face on the whole debacle. Speaking in Chicago this week in one of his first major appearances since the excrement hit the fan, Christie tried to demonstrate that he is still the same big, lovable, loudmouth politician we’ve come to know so well over the past several years. During a Q & A session with the CEO of Motorola Solutions, Inc., Christie mocked the debate over income inequality, and praised George W. Bush for being a great president.
It is impossible to predict the outcome of the ongoing investigations in New Jersey. Only one thing appears certain, going forward: Chris Christie will never be President of the United States.